HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
