I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
