this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
