i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
