and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
