Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
