If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
