Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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