she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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