There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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