if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
