Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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