Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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