I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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