I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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