Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
