I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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