ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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