ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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