we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
