cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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