Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
