I can't breathe out the right side of my face
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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