You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
