Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
