..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
