Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
