Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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