i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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