How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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