I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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