You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
