Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
