The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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