Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
