so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
