hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
