you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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