just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
