watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize