Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
