this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
