i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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