Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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