Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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