come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize