Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
