Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
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its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
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Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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