Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
