i just wanna soil my oats bro
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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