I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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