I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
