She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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