When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
