ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
