I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
