she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
