Whod you bang
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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