I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
